At least make sure they are 18
Why
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
