I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
