I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
