I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's blow job season.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
