I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
