You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
