I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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