Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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