I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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