the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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