go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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