I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
