is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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