So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
