took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
