No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
