so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
