it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
how drunk are you?
Several
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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