This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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