i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize