Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
