he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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