You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
