1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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