that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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