Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize