he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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