we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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