On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
