I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
