The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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