The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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