4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
