You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
