are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
