hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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