I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
