I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry my hands just texted you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
