no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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