Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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