Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
