I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
