God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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