i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
