How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
