You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
