If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
