Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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