So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
