ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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