office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize