your parents love me but you hate me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
