It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dicks are not precious.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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