Jerry, you need to find god
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
