I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
