theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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