I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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