He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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