i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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