Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Floor bacon is actually really good
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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