the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
