Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
