things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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