I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
