it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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