my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
