btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My underwear smells like fireworks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
