Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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