worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize