Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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