We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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