I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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