How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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