Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
