White coat. Heels.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
