On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
