I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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