This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
