How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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