You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
