And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
