Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
