i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
