plz talk dirty to me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you had me at cake vodka
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
