Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize